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I am planning on quitting smoking. I have already reduced my nicotine intake substantially by switching from machine cigarettes to roll-ups, using tobacco which is less strong.

Having analysed my smoking, I think that one of the things which I will miss most is the social interaction which smoking brings.

I live alone and, while I do go out to groups/meetings and stuff, most of my day-to-day social interaction with people is driven by smoking.

E.g. - when at home, I go outside for a cigarette, and usually this means I meet both of my neighbours. Neighbour A will usually come outside every so often with her dog, and I, standing outside my door, will have a chat with her. Neighbour B is also a smoker, and he tends to come outside for a cigarette at the same time as me. He and I will have a chat.

At work, I go for smoking breaks at the smoking shelter, where I have a friendly chat with colleagues who are at the shelter for the same reason.

Looking back over the past ten years I have been smoking, on and off, since university, I note that a lot of my friends have been people who I have first met in smoking situations.

Obviously I do go out now and then to events where I meet friends, but not often enough to replace the loss of regular, short social contact with people on that day-to-day basis.

How have other ex-smokers dealt with this? How do you replace this lost social contact? How can I sustain this day-to-day periodic social interaction without smoking?

S. EL
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Statsanalyst
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    Unfortunately, every answer to this question would be equally valid, which makes this [not a good question for StackExchange](https://interpersonal.stackexchange.com/help/dont-ask). As soon as you have an approach that you need help with, feel free to edit your question to focus on that Skill that you want help with. – Tinkeringbell Mar 23 '18 at 08:14
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    @Tinkeringbell that seems to apply to 95% of the questions on here, so I don't understand why you're singling this one out specifically. E.g. I don't understand why the question, "how to ask out a colleague" is any less inviting of multiple different responses of equal merit than this is. This is a specific, focussed question about an issue which multiple people presumably deal with, with subject matter which clearly relates to Interpersonal Skills. – Statsanalyst Mar 23 '18 at 08:20
  • @Statsanalyst : have you considered replacing the smoke with vaping? or will you just completely quit? – OldPadawan Mar 23 '18 at 08:33
  • First off, I am not singling you out, a new question does pop up on the top of the list and is pretty visible, so improvement might be suggested? I personally don't see how 'How have other ex-smokers dealt with this' isn't a list type question... Also, I don't see how such a question is related to Interpersonal Skills, which are the ability to communicate or interact well with other people... What Skill are you asking about here? What Skill would you like to improve? – Tinkeringbell Mar 23 '18 at 08:45
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    @Tinkeringbell I would like to know how to replace the social contact I will lose from not smoking any more, or alternatively, I would like to develop the skill of identifying alternative situations to meet a broad range of people for short, five-minute conversations - without meeting them at smoking shelters or similar. – Statsanalyst Mar 23 '18 at 08:51
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    @OldPadawan no, not taking up vaping. Planning on quitting. – Statsanalyst Mar 23 '18 at 08:56
  • So you don't/won't/can't go out when someone else goes to have a smoking break? Have you already tried other stuff, like the coffee-machine or water-cooler at work for example? Or are these to you similar to a smoking shelter? – Tinkeringbell Mar 23 '18 at 08:56

1 Answers1

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In this instance, you could say there are two distinct routes to social activity:

1. Meeting like-minded people through a common interest in a shared activity

For example, if you were interested in comics and attended events like comic conventions then you are going to be exposed to people with a common interest. The people you meet aren't going to be identical to you in every way of course - we are all unique - but you have a shared interest which could be the basis for a friendship.

2. Meeting differently-minded people by coincidentally sharing a space.

Some people make all their friends at school, or at work, which when you think about it does not guarantee you have any shared interests. But this isn't a bad thing, because it isn't necessarily good for us to only associate with those who may think the same way as us. To be rounded as people we need to broaden our minds to other ways of thinking.

Smoking is what has brought you together with a number of people that you clearly enjoy associating with. Maybe you do share some things in common - but it wasn't those things that brought you together. Smoking can't really be called a shared interest - lets call it what it is: an addiction. Anyone can become addicted to cigarettes. Also, if your daily contact is limited to talking in the place where you take your smoke breaks you are never really sharing in any other aspects of your smoking buddies' lives, so as real as these friendships are they are pretty limited.

You don't have to ditch the friends you have made. If you think there is scope for continuing friendships through other activities then extend offers to them. Try to avoid situations where smoking could take place so that you aren't tempted to return to the habit.

But as for making new friends - look at the two routes I mentioned above. If you have interests already then see if you can pursue them any further in ways that may introduce you to other people. If you don't have an interest like that then have a think about taking something up - there are probably running clubs, choirs, craft clubs - all sorts of activities operating locally, you just need to look around.

But if you prefer the idea of meeting a wider range of people rather than base friendships on an interest then look for other social opportunities at work. Rather than the smoke shelter, is there a common area for coffee breaks? Talk to people there. See if there are social clubs at work. If not, you could take the initiative to organise something like a work night-out.

Also remember that you meet people through people. Accepting social invitations from people that you might not have much of an affinity with can lead to you meeting others with whom you get along better.

I should add that I am not a smoker or an ex-smoker. But this isn't a situation that is exclusive to ex-smokers. People relocate and have to find new friends. Sometimes a bad break-up can divide social circles. Lots of people successfully make new friends and I hope that you stick to your resolve of living healthier.

Astralbee
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