3

The title may sound really strange, but the story is that my grandmother was diagnosed with liver cancer in China (Super early stage). Now, in China, it is up to the family member to tell the patient such info, so she does not know that she has cancer now. Instead, we told her that she had polyp. She even underwent a surgery and thought that it was to remove the polyp.

The reason we did this was that it happened to one of our elder member 10 years ago where that member (paternal great-grandmother) had cancer, she was all happy and positive (because we did not tell her that she had cancer, we replaced with some other illness). She was taking medicine on time and everything was fine. Until someone leaked that information to her and all of a sudden, she collapsed and died months later.

After experiencing what mental strength can do to someone under these circumstances, my family has decided that we should keep this secret as long as possible for my grandmother. Now, she migrated to the US, and things got complicated.

In the US, when you translate information for the patient, the patient must be told everything. It is mandated by law, I believe (do correct me if I am wrong).

And I am concerned that after knowing this truth, she will collapse. So I am wondering if there is a way to negotiate with doctor so that we don't have to tell her the truth...

Worse case scenerio, if I have to tell, in what way can I make it as acceptable as I can?

Abhigyan
  • 3,218
  • 2
  • 17
  • 47
ZpfSysn
  • 139
  • 2
  • 3
    Without knowing your grandmother's prognosis and what kind of treatment she is going to receive (radiation? chemo infusions?) and her level of (for lack of a better word) sophistication, I don't see how anyone can answer this question. That is, it might be impossible to keep her diagnosis secret. Also, you are assuming your great-grandmother died because she gave up, not because her meds ceased to be effective. You have to discuss all this with the doctor. –  Nov 18 '17 at 00:23
  • Personally, I would have never decided to keep it from her. It's her life, she should know (that applies to children too, if the prognosis is definitive and accurate). Putting that personal opinion aside, the US legal system enforces that patients are informed, on the principle that a patient should be informed about their health. Regardless of your personal or cultural opinion, you can't expect the US legal system to change because of that. Breaking the news isn't going to get any easier by stalling. If anything, it makes it worse because she'll have less time left once she finds out. – Flater Nov 20 '17 at 14:04
  • Informing the patient of the diagnosis is not a binding rule here in India, as far as I understand; and interestingly enough, many Indian people have actually expressed a preference *not* to be informed of the particulars of their diagnosis and prognosis @Flater. They were simply willing to undergo treatment as directed by the doctor. That made it easy for their family members to 'shield them' from the bad news. Is it legally possible for a patient to express such a preference *not to know*, in Europe or the USA? – English Student Nov 23 '17 at 06:43
  • @EnglishStudent: I think that depends whether you have a proxy or not. I don't foresee any legal issues with someone willingly giving someone else a proxy (it's already used in case the person is unconscious or irrational, it's arguably no different if the person actively chooses to not make their own medical choices), but there may be a legal minefield (for the doctor) if the patient has no proxy, because of malpractice issues (e.g. if the doctor decides the patient needs a hysterectomy or amputation; does he just get to do so without express consent?) – Flater Nov 23 '17 at 08:14
  • Thanks for the explanation @Flater. That is a pertinent point for OP to think about, and I hope you or somebody else would clarify these matters in an answer (along with a detailed coverage of the *interpersonal* issues involved) if this question gets reopened. – English Student Nov 23 '17 at 15:35

1 Answers1

6

I was trained as a medical professional myself, though I don't advertise the fact unless it is actually necessary, as here. In my experience, ladies including older ladies are mentally much stronger than we imagine, and not very likely to 'collapse' psychologically even on hearing that they have a life-threatening illness.

They also tend to recover from the initial shock much better than men do. Indeed the resilience of women is well acknowledged worldwide. So, if it is not possible to keep it a secret from the patient according to US medical laws or treatment culture, then you should take courage and also get the treating doctor's expert help, to break the news gently to your grandmother.

It is customary in many countries for the doctor to inform the patient about the diagnosis in the presence of close family members. This is called “briefing the patient”. Doctors are specially trained to give bad or alarming news as constructively as possible to patients and their families.

You must be sure to emphasise to your grandmother the fact that her illness was detected at an early stage and she has a very good chance of making a complete recovery. Also, give her as much time as she needs to internally come to terms with the shocking information, and be aware that she can be sad, withdrawn or uncommunicative during that period. You can encourage your family members to create a secure and supportive emotional atmosphere to help her face this major life challenge.

English Student
  • 10,531
  • 5
  • 33
  • 71