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I've been dating my girlfriend for six months. She's a very nice person and always goes out of her way to make everyone feel happy and appreciated. She's kind no matter what others do/say to her.

She's a fairly sociable person and our relationship is well-known. People often feel the need to give her their opinion on me/us. She usually ignores them and responds passively. However, this has crossed the line a couple times, in which other men have insulted me to her (over text), such as:

You know, I've never liked your boyfriend. You should break up with him.

(response) Surprise... and I don't really know.

Another example:

You're way too good for him, he's a gross P.O.S. You deserve better, especially with that body.

(response) Yeah I know. And thanks.

When I asked her about previous similar messages/chats, she said she was just letting them think she agreed to avoid confrontation and keep a friend. But I wouldn't want to be friends with someone who thought that way about my SO. Furthermore, I have no way of knowing that she was really lying to them; her texts did seem authentic and the people were convinced that she didn't have real feelings for me.

Should I just accept that we're different and that she'll tell others whatever they want to hear, while in reality she is happy in our relationship? Or am I right in getting worried about her reactions to their comments? I don't like her letting others walk all over me (or compliment her about her physical appearance, which just doesn't feel right).

How should I react in this situation, with the intention of continuing this relationship, but not at the expense of my self-esteem or having the risk of being cheated on? I love her but I don't want to be in a toxic relationship in which she goes behind my back and tells lies. What do I do?

MD XF
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    Do you commonly look at her messages and chats? – doctordonna Jan 27 '18 at 06:57
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    "What should I do" questions are generally off-topic here, as that's an opinion-based issue that really only you are in a good position to judge. If you can edit your question to ask something like *how* to talk to your girlfriend about this you'll get better answers (and your question won't be in danger of closure). Good luck! – 1006a Jan 27 '18 at 07:41
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    As 1006a mentions you may be able to reopen this question if you are looking for us to help in how to approach your gf about how to deal with the texts or how to approach your gf on how the texts make you feel. We'll be more than happy to respond. – doctordonna Jan 27 '18 at 15:26
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    @doctordonna a friend of hers sends screenshots to me occasionally. – MD XF Jan 27 '18 at 23:00

1 Answers1

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Be Honest

When in doubt, just tell her how you feel about it. Let her know that while you love her, you don't appreciate it/it hurts you (be vulnerable) when she talks to her friends like that about you. Perhaps give her an alternate way of saying what she wants to say, which is avoid conflict. If she is reasonable, (and she sounds like a nice girl) she will understand and you guys can go from there.

RaviRavioli
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