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We have a relationship of five years, he before being with me was a promiscuous man however he had no serious relationship so let's say he had the freedom to be.

In our relationship has not given me reason to think that he has been unfaithful, however I can not help feeling insecure knowing that in his social networks he sees and likes pictures of models with little clothes, I know they are things of men maybe, but I get the following concern:

Is it really necessary to make your attraction public to other women?

I do not pretend to be the only woman who attracts him sexually, but I think that a little discretion on this issue has nothing wrong.

It should be noted that I do not speak of two or three models, they are many and not necessarily famous.

I would like to have another point of view. I would like to know what to do to handle this situation internally. How can I talk to him without thinking that I'm just a jealous woman without justification?

Miet09
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  • Can you clarify what your intent is? See here: https://interpersonal.meta.stackexchange.com/questions/3224/how-do-i-write-a-good-question?cb=1 As is, it isn't clear if this is an **inter**personal question (i.e. how to address this with your boyfriend) versus an **intra**personal question (i.e., how do I internally handle this situation/what should I do) - the latter is off-topic here. – Bryan Krause Aug 29 '18 at 17:26
  • @BryanKrause I would like to have another point of view, if the fact is that it is a normal behavior of a man, I would like to know what to do to handle this situation internally. Otherwise, how can I talk to him without thinking that I'm just a jealous woman without justification – Miet09 Aug 29 '18 at 17:31
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    We can't tell you whether you're being paranoid or how you should handle this situation. However, if you decide on a course of action, questions like "How can I let my boyfriend know looking at models online makes me uncomfortable?" or "How can I talk to my boyfriend about how often he looks at girls online around me?" would both be on topic here. – scohe001 Aug 29 '18 at 17:32
  • As scohe001 is indicating, the scope of interpersonal skills is very very narrow, it isn't really a general advice stack, which confuses a lot of people who are new here. I do think your question can be reformatted to fit here though if you think carefully about the necessary scope. – Bryan Krause Aug 29 '18 at 17:37
  • Hi Miet09, please check our [help/on-topic] page to understand what types of questions are allowed here, it explains that questions which "ask us to adjudicate “right” and “wrong” in a situation" are off topic. Like scohe suggested, you need to define a concrete goal for us to answer. What do you really want to achieve here? – Em C Aug 29 '18 at 17:44
  • Have you tried to bring up your concerns with him before? How did that go? Specifically, have you told him that you think his behavior is akin to "[making his] attraction public to other women?" – scohe001 Aug 29 '18 at 18:03
  • @scohe001 Yes, I've told him a couple of times. My motives have always been that it does not make me feel comfortable that he has the need to see other women and publicly demonstrate his interest, his answer is that it is normal and that will not betray me because he does not even know them. – Miet09 Aug 29 '18 at 18:08
  • Can you edit that information into your question and maybe give us a little more detail on that interaction? Also, I'd suggest you look at [this related question](https://interpersonal.stackexchange.com/q/16503/11811) – scohe001 Aug 29 '18 at 18:10

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I don't think you are being paranoid - you cannot deny your own feelings, but you should consider why this bothers you so much and address that specific issue with him. Regardless, you should be honest with him, it's possible he doesn't know that this bothers you (unless you've already told him even though it seems like it should be obvious).

If you just don't like him looking at models online but don't really think he is acting inappropriately, you should tell him that you are uncomfortable knowing that he does this and it hurts you that he makes it obvious that he does. It may not be realistic for him to stop looking at images of women online altogether, but you might suggest a little more discretion.

If you are upset that he is making known that he like to look at these women publicly by following them on social media, I would recommend that you tell him that you feel embarrassed that he is advertising to the world that he likes this. Again it may be unrealistic to suggest he never look at an attractive women IRL or online, but the fact that he follows these women feels like a personal embarrassment to you.

You have to decide if you are ok with him occasionally looking at these images if he is being discreet. This is not entirely uncommon but again you have to decide what you approve of and what you can tolerate.

Be honest and talk to him - let him know why you feel the way you do and hopefully he will change his behavior. You can't change a person completely but you might be able to encourage a little more discretion in how he acts in ways that are public.

Bryan Turriff
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    It isn't good to answer questions that are not properly scoped for this stack or to offer recommendations, otherwise people will be encouraged to post questions that need to be closed. – Bryan Krause Aug 29 '18 at 17:38