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I'm a male, 23 and let's call her Jess. She is 22.

Me and Jess go way back. I've known her since high school, but as my friend had a crush on her, I'd never ever hit on her, even though I find her attractive.

After my friend had no success with her, I had no interest in her as well, but this took like 2 years.

We always kept contact, but not as close friends, just friends. She had two serious relationships, and recently (like three months ago) she ended her relationship with one common "friend" among us.

I'll tell a little bit of our history here because it matters for the question:

Since we've never been close friends, I asked her out on 4 opportunities these last 3 months and for my surprise she accepted all of then.

Two interesting events were these:

1 - I Invited her in something like a double date to watch a movie, all went well.

2 - As she had a guy pursuing her, she asked me to come with them to the bowling and it went really well for me (poor guy, I feel him). I think that she just asked me to join to make a statement for the guy that she had no interest on him. But then again, this is just what I think of the situation.

What bugs me:

She also invited me to watch The Last Jedi, just because she knows how nerd I am. Jess doesn't even like Star Wars. We went out to dinner, just the two of us and she was really excited to see me. Was laughing at every dumb joke that I made, was messing with her hair and a little physical contact with me, points that I think it is flirting. As soon as I know, I was fixing her hair and stuff like that.

From my perspective, it was very obvious that I have romantic intentions with her. IRL, we are really good together, with intimacy and stuff. But when it comes to interactions between social media (like Whatsapp) things go to shit. She takes a long time to reply, like 6 hours or even a day, but always reply friendly, saying sorry sometimes for the late response but keeps doing the same thing over and over.

This for me is a clear signal that she doesn't want anything to do with me, but our interactions IRL signals the exactly opposite. I'm afraid that going on and tell her how I feel so soon may blow every interest that she may have on me.

I intend to keep seeing her, but I would like to know if there is anyway, or tips that I could confirm if she has a interest or not without blowing everything up.

Thanks guys

Jess K.
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Unknown
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    Welcome! What do you want from us? Right now you look like you're asking us to tell you if she's into you or not. That's not within our abilities. Do you want us to help you ask if she likes you? Or ask her to actually date you seriously? What can we do to help you that isn't guessing whether she likes you or not? – Catija Dec 20 '17 at 16:32
  • @Catija Hi, I'd like to know if there is anything I could do to know it without confrontating her, and perhaps ruin a friendship – Unknown Dec 20 '17 at 16:34
  • As a note, "seeing her" at least in my experience, tends to imply "dating". When you say "seeing" do you mean "hanging out with"? – Catija Dec 20 '17 at 16:36
  • Yes @Catija sorry, in my main language it means just hanging out. – Unknown Dec 20 '17 at 16:45
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    I'm voting to close this question as off-topic because we can’t tell you what other people are thinking or feeling. We can’t read minds, that’s not an Interpersonal Skill you can learn. – Tinkeringbell Dec 20 '17 at 16:48
  • I'm bad with social media and alway reply late. Thats not a sign of anything. I just don't share other people mindset that I have to be available 24/7, not even to the people I'm most close with. I'm the type of guy who does one thing at a time. When I'm shopping, I'm not stopping every 5s and replying to social media, sorry. I do it when I have the time or can make the time to have an *actual* conversation (and then i will most likely just pick up the phone and call). Just food for though, she might not be the kind of person who hangs on her phone all the time. – Polygnome Dec 20 '17 at 17:39
  • Couple things: 1) some people intentionally delay replying because they think it builds attraction (the whole "we want what we can't have" mentality). 2) some people are afraid that replying in a very timely manner will actually make them seem needy or overly available and thereby reduce attraction. 3) Some people just have other stuff they want to get around to reading/posting/replying-to, and they don't want to fall behind on all their other social media activities. 4) Sometimes people take a *long time* to think of replies because they are really worried about making a good impression. – mtraceur Feb 20 '18 at 06:54

3 Answers3

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Not everyone is glued to their mobile device. Have some confidence in yourself, and stop expecting immediate replies.

As for the best way to judge her interest? Ask her out on an actual date / make a move. See what happens. She seems to be giving you some pretty heavy hints, time to take the plunge.

AndreiROM
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  • I know for a fact that she is always with her phone, she even replies some people while hanging out (not when it is only us tho). I was afraid of this, but well, the worst cenario may be a no. – Unknown Dec 20 '17 at 16:24
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    @unknown - sometimes people purposefully avoid answering messages from people they like in an effort to not appear desperate. At the end of the day, however, what are you worried about? Ask her out and see what happens. **"-Hey do you want to grab a bite to eat?"** -Sure! **"Great, it's a date!"**. See how she reacts. – AndreiROM Dec 20 '17 at 16:31
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But when it comes to interactions between social media (like Whatsapp) things go to shit. She takes a long time to reply, like 6 hours or even a day, but always reply friendly, saying sorry sometimes for the late response but keeps doing the same thing over and over.

Sorry to say that, imho, you are making a big huge great mistake here:

you are treating digital life on the same level as real life

Would it matter that much to you if a girl was actually your girlfriend but didn't have a Facebook account or didn't bother updating it "Relationship: dating"? You don't know what she is doing / what she can do while she's not with you. She might be busy, live a busy life, and not carrying her phone always with her.

My suggestion is to stick to real-life signs (if you think you can see any) and leave online communication to "good morning", "good night", or service communications such as "when does the movie begin?".

Markino
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  • "*you are treating digital life on the same level as real life*" -- This. My significant other is not at all ruled by her phone. If you want to talk to her go see her or call her. Stick to real life!!! –  Dec 20 '17 at 16:50
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I'm just like you in the way of thinking, so this answer will come from experience.

She takes a long time to reply, like 6 hours or even a day

I always thought the same way, but something that I learned is that just because you have free time to read or read messages right after they arrive it doesn't mean that the other person would have time to do it or acts the same way as you. My girlfriend takes a long time to answer my messages aswell, ever since we first met, so that gives you a clue.

Since we've never been close friends, I asked her out on 4 opportunities these last 3 months and for my surprise she accepted all of then.

This is the proof you need to keep going. In my opinion she is interested in you, no doubts. People IRL and through social media are totally different most of the time, so don't rely heavily on that.

This question is kind of related to yours, so I think it might help you.

Best of luck to you.

Flaviops
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